


A Hopeless Cause

by PanicFOB



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Humor, Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-10-29 09:37:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20794535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PanicFOB/pseuds/PanicFOB
Summary: You’re called in for an urgent team meeting that turns out to be more ridiculous than urgent.





	A Hopeless Cause

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for a Brooklyn Nine-Nine themed challenge. The prompt was "What do you look for in a guy?" "Real stuff, like the shape of his ass."

You were halfway through a pile of hash browns and eggs drenched in hot sauce when you received a cryptic text from Sam saying “Team meeting in conference room 3. Urgent.” You took a second to look down at your hot breakfast longingly before exiting the kitchen of the compound and finding your way to conference room 3.

When you arrived, everything seemed to be all out of sorts. Bucky, rather than Steve, was standing up at the whiteboard holding a marker. You had never attended a meeting led by him before, and you were incredibly confused at the change. Notably missing from the conference table were Tony, Nat, Bruce, and Wanda. Instead, you were joined by Sam, Steve, Clint, Vision, and Peter Parker because it was a weekend and he always spent his breaks from college annoying everyone at the compound.

After you took your seat, Bucky closed the door. “Good, everyone’s here,” he announced. He then turned to the board and wrote out in barely legible letters, “Ways to impress her.”

Your eyebrows flew up in shock and confusion. You raised your hand. “Um, Bucky? What exactly is this meeting about?”

He shot Sam an annoyed look. “You didn’t tell her in the message?”

Sam shrugged. “I knew she wouldn’t come if I did.”

You looked at both of them incredulously before Vision eventually supplied, “It seems that Steven needs some advice in the dating department. We’re here to brainstorm ideas.”

You glanced at Steve whose face was bright red and his body was slowly sliding down in his seat.

God, they were all such dorks. You had assumed before you actually met the Avengers that they would all be quite cool and confident. You even suspected that most of them might have been rather smooth with the opposite sex. How wrong you had been. Natasha was the only one around here that didn’t have a pathetic dating life. Tony and Pepper were happily married, but that was all Pepper’s doing. Tony was just as much of an idiot when it came to women as the rest of them.

And Bucky… you had been dropping hints and flirting with that man ever since you joined the team. Yet, here you were both still single. He was either completely uninterested or an oblivious moron, and you surmised the latter considering he was always calling you pet names.

You looked back at Bucky with narrowed eyes. “Barnes,” you said in a fed-up tone, “please tell me you did not make me miss my breakfast for this.”

“We needed a woman’s perspective,” he told you in defense.

“So ask Nat or Wanda,” you shot back.

“We tried,” Clint admitted. “We made the mistake of telling them what the meeting was about before they got here, and so they turned us down.”

You leaned back in your chair, arms crossed, and fumed. Not only had they interrupted your breakfast for this, but now you were finding out that you had been the last resort female perspective. How insulting.

“So, who is this woman you’re trying to impress, Steve?” He was the only one you weren’t annoyed at because he looked just as miserable to be here as you did.

He stared down at his hands that were clasped and resting on the table. “Her name is Anne. She works in PR.”

“Oh, I know Anne. She’s lovely,” you told him with a smile.

He returned it, clearly thinking of the woman who had stolen his heart. “You do?”

You nodded your head. “We eat lunch together sometimes. She absolutely loves Carrot Cake for dessert.”

Bucky pointed the sharpie at you before turning to the board. “That’s good, Y/N.”

When he stepped out of the way, you saw that he had written, “buy her carrot cake,” and you rolled your eyes.

Nearly an hour passed in much the same fashion. Clint and Sam all offering tips that made you wonder how they had ever gotten a single woman in their lives, much less how Clint had convinced Laura to marry him. Peter kept giving advice that you thought would be better served to another college student rather than a super-soldier that was over a hundred years old. Vision, well you supposed Wanda might be fond of him, but the way his AI brain worked was a bit perpendicular to normal human emotions.

You didn’t chime in much more, letting the fools chatter amongst themselves, and you could barely contain your giggles each time Bucky wrote down something ridiculous that was apparently supposed to impress a woman.

When one time you finally did let an accidental giggle slip, Bucky glanced at you over his shoulder, clearly annoyed that you weren’t taking the matter seriously. “What’s so funny?”

“Oh, nothing at all,” you told him with a smirk.

“All right, since you think all our ideas are laughable, tell me Y/N, what do you look for in a guy?”

Your smirk only grew as you glanced down at his incredibly toned butt before meeting his eye again. “Real stuff, like the shape of his ass.”

The room filled with laughter and Bucky grinned back at you before writing out “have a nice ass” on the board.

“Well, looks like I’ve got one out of fifty of those things covered,” Steve remarked, and everyone nearly died from laughter this time because you honestly didn’t know Steve had it in him to make such a joke.

When the meeting finally adjourned, and Sam suggested they meet back here tomorrow, which you certainly would not be doing, you and Bucky were the last ones out the door.

He held his metal hand out to you. “Come on, I’ll buy you brunch as an apology for having to endure that.”

You took his hand but warned him, “It’s going to take a lot more than brunch to earn my forgiveness, Barnes.”

“I’m sure I’ll think of something.”

You exited the compound hand in hand. He led you to his car and opened the passenger door for you.

Once you were both buckled in, you asked him, “Do you really think any of that will help Steve actually talk to Anne?”

“Probably not. He’s a hopeless cause when it comes to women,” Bucky said plainly, as he shifted into drive and peeled away.

“Something you and he have in common, then.”

His head turned quickly to look at you. “What do you mean I’m a hopeless cause?”

You sighed. It was pointless to keep it to yourself any longer. “Bucky, I’ve been trying to get you to ask me out for ages.”

“What?! I didn’t even know you liked me like that,” his eyes were darting rapidly between you and the road ahead of him.

“And that’s where the hopeless cause comes in. I literally could not have made it any more obvious.”

He furrowed his brow, clearly trying to think back on all the times that he had missed your signals. “Jesus, doll. I’ve been crazy about you ever since we met, but I thought for sure you would turn me down.”

“You thought wrong.”

He reached over and wove his fingers into yours once more before picking your hand up and pulling it to his lips. His eyes were still on the road as he placed a sweet kiss to the back of your hand. “How’s brunch sound for a first date?”

“It sounds lovely, Bucky… Especially with you still wearing those jeans. I can keep sneaking glances at your ass.”

He chuckled. “Well, that makes me feel a bit better about how often I stare at yours.”


End file.
